I really don't want to come of as rude, because I actually like what I could feel you were trying to get across while trying to work on the game but I hope that if you continue working on this you'll work on polishing it more... you really got me good with Quzher's design and personality so it's not like I want the project to be abandoned...
Either way. I have a bunch of things I could say... First of all being that I feel that the intro before starting to read the story is rather superflous... this is a FVN so I don't think you need to explain why the characters are furries or have animal like traits, while I think that you don't need to explain out of the story the idea of quirks...you could for example explain it has internal dialogue from the character itself what a trait is, and explain it on relation with his own trait as he's talking to himself.
Related to that intro scene...I think the music in this game might be too loud, and you might want to find some way to lower it's volume because...I had my volume incredibly low, and the alarm you hear was ear piercingly low. Yes I know loud funny but even the normal music is really really loud and that is on volume levels that on other games or watching videos is incredibly low.
After that...well, the character dialogue of Quzher, and the other characters, *specially* Kyle, is really really hard to read. The text in the dialogue box needs to have more contrast to it one way or another. I'd suggest making the text a darker shade of the same color for readability. I literally couldn't understand most of what Kyle was saying because of this.
I think the actual script is fine, even with some occassional typos or grammar mistakes, but like... the script can get very shitposty at times and that's fine...if that's what you're trying to write. I saw your other game was like that, but there's at least no obvious signs this is the same here so I'm working on the premise you're trying to seriously tell a story so... I'd reccomend from like, refraining from breaking the 4th wall or talking to the player directly.
Like, on the lecture when you say these characters are immortal so the writer had to give them a curse that took me out of focusing on what I was reading because even on a script that has a lot of jokes like this there's a suspension of disbelief that I'm trying to mantain that well, directly adressing yourself as the author and this is a work of fiction breaks. I think if you want to keep the same overall feeling of this message, you can say it in character with something like "but Immortality comes at a step cost, everyone who is born with it has a curse unique to them", or something along those lines...
Anyways, this is a lot and it might be kind of pedantic but, I thought some sincere constructive feedback could be helpful... I'll admit that I tried it out cuz I actually like how the art you're showing here looks so I think if this got a lot more polish then you could really have something here.
